Well, we’ve been home for a little over a month. Wow, time flies. The last 4 weeks have been a blur. We’ve all had a transition period – Ellie and
our entire family. You wouldn’t think
one little person would make a huge difference in ‘life as usual,’ but it sure
did. One piece of advice I would give to
anyone adopting (that is a working-out-of-the-home mom) is to take as much time
off as you can. I cannot imagine going
right back to work after bringing Ellie home.
I was lucky to have 6 weeks off to attempt to get a schedule for our
family (never mind that it’s the middle of baseball season and I had 2 sick
kids within 4 weeks!). I am now
starting my 2nd phase of my family leave and working from home for 6
weeks. This will allow Ellie to
transition into having another caretaker other than me (Meemaw & Nana), but
will still give me the opportunity to be here in case she is not adjusting
well, or having a particularly hard day.
Elliana is doing exceptionally well. I’m not going to lie and say things are
totally blissful. The last 4 weeks have
been H-A-R-D. We are amazed at what a
little opinion she has already J
One thing we have to continually remind ourselves is that the culture in
Ethiopia is a bit different than ours.
They do not typically use discipline with their children (I’m guessing
they do not have to). Children seem to
be rarely told ‘no’ and they do not like (or allow) their children to cry. So, you can imagine the huge transition it is
for Elliana to come into a household that has boundaries and some discipline,
and yes, it’s true… even some ‘nos.’ Because
we have another toddler in our home, it’s hard to have one set of rules for
Ellie, and another set of rules for Faith (and I’m pretty sure Faith is taking
notes on things Ellie is allowed to do and she is not)… so we are trying to be
as consistent as possible, realizing that we may have to parent Ellie a little
different than we did our other 3. But,
occasionally we must tell the poor baby “no” since there are some things that
are just not safe for her to have (no
honey, you can’t have the butcher knife on the counter). Elliana coming to the realization that she
cannot have everything her heart desires has been devastating for her at times. But, we continue to see improvements in
Ellie every day. She runs to both of us
for kisses, hugs, reassurance and to kiss boo-boos. She is enjoying being a big sister and gives
Faith kisses, hugs and pats her back when she lies down at night (it’s so
cute). Her speech is still not completely
up to speed, but for a child labeled as ‘not speaking at all’, she is doing
great and saying at least 25 to 30 words and doing some sign language as
well. She totally understands what we
are saying (which amazes me) and will do most anything you ask of her (most of
the time). She is very smart and loves
clapping for herself when she accomplishes a task!
She also has a funny thing for cats. Apparently there were stray cats that would
bother the orphanage and I’m sure she’s witnessed the nannies doing this. When she sees a cat (either in a book, TV, in
person, etc.) she will say, “get” and “pssst” and will wave her arms around to
‘shoo’ the cat away. It is
hilarious. We have 3 cats around our
home, so to watch her (and her buddy Faith) shoo the cats away is so
funny. We have since taught her that not
all cats are bad, so she does pet our cats now and gives them kisses, but her
first gut-reaction is still to start yelling ‘get…cat..psstt…’…. too cute. Maybe one day I can get both the girls in
action on video and post it. If she
hears a cat, she runs to the window or door and says, “b-eow!”
Where we are having some challenges are at meal times and
bed times. Elliana is not adjusting well
to ‘American’ food. She still prefers about
4 or 5 things and that’s about it. Attempting
to have her try something new can put her into a very loud, very big tantrum. If she sees you coming with something new, she
will shake her head and hand and start yelling, “No, No, No!!” Each
meal attempt can easily take over an hour and then another ½ hour to clean up
all of the food that she threw J And, I still have 3 other kids and a husband
to feed after all of that! I have become
quite the short-order cook! We are seeing improvements every day and are
beginning to work with an occupational therapist to help her transition into
more than 5 foods! This should be
interesting but we are hopeful.
Bed time is challenging as well and I’m sure that has to do
with a separation fear, so we are trying everything we can to make her feel
comfortable enough to fall asleep feeling safe and secure. Then, we can move her into her crib. This can sometimes take up to 2 hours or
more. She will not tolerate us putting
her in a playpen, crib or other confined area, until she is already
sleeping. Where the tricky part comes in
is that we have Faith (who is 15 months old).
They share a room, so if Ellie screams and cries for 2 hours, it
typically keeps Faith up too, or wakes her up at some point. Then, we have 2 tired and crying toddlers to
deal with. But, I’m happy to say that
our 2 hour routine is now down to about an hour, so I think we are making
progress! Yay!
So, what are we doing to get through some of the ‘bumps in
the road?’
- We've already visited the International Adoption
Unit at the Children’s Hospital in Philadelphia. They have been following Ellie’s medical and
social history since we received our referral.
They have been such a wonderful blessing and resource. It was so nice to finally meet the doctor who
had been giving us such great advice for the last 6 months. Our initial appointment and visit with 2
occupational therapists was almost 3 hours.
I have an entire post about our experience that I will post later. But
all I can say is what a great, great resource these professionals were to our
family.
- We've already been in contact in our Early Intervention folks here in PA. We’ve had our initial interview, and they are
coming to assess Ellie next week. I
didn’t know that this is a Federal program (but run by the State) that is free
until the child is 3. They can offer her
speech, occupational, behavioral and emotional/social therapy. I’m pretty sure she will at least qualify for
speech therapy. Much of her (and our)
frustration is because she lacks the words to tell us what she needs. Most of the time, we can figure it out;
sometimes we cannot. I think she is
doing great at picking up words and using them correctly, but at the same time,
it would be great if we could communicate better with her instead of us trying
to interpret her grunts, snorts, pointing, and tantrums.
- I spoke to our Agency’s Post Adoption
Counselor. For some reason, I put off
contacting her for a month because I wanted to figure things out on my
own. But, we want the VERY BEST for our
daughter (emotionally, physically, spiritually, etc.) so I thought perhaps she
may be able to give me a few tips (especially since she’s an adoptive mom
too). Wow, I’m so glad I spoke to her. She gave me a few tips, but mostly she just
reassured me that what we are doing is correct and to not be afraid to rely on
my mothering instincts. Yes, Ellie is
adopted and we may have to parent her a little differently, but every child is
unique and might not respond to ‘text book’ or ‘proven adoption techniques.’ (that’s our Ellie-girl!) Mostly we have to
parent her with our hearts and the intuition that God has given us. She also told me some stories from other
parents with children from Ethiopia and what helped their children
transition. So glad I made that
call.
- Praying A LOT.
God has orchestrated this plan for our family and He knows what is best – so trying to remember God has a plan for us and our family has
brought peace to our minds. He already
knew the challenges we’d be facing, so now we just need to be obedient and
trust in His plan. I am so excited to
see what He has in store for Ellie’s life.
She is such a vibrant little girl.
- Not that I have a lot of time to read, but I
re-read Chapters 10 & 11 from the book “Successful Adoption – A Guide for
Christian Families.” The Author is
Natalie Nichols Gillespie. Chapter 10 is
titled, “We Gotcha! Now What?,” and
Chapter 11 is titled, “Helping Them Heal: Bonding and Other Post-Placement
Concerns.” What is love about this
entire book is that it is written from a biblical point of view, (and a fellow
adoptive mom), not just from a doctor’s point of view. It
helped me realize that we are not the only family who has a toddler that is
still grieving her old life.
So, yes, we’ve had our share of challenges with Ellie and
Faith and our teenage boys adjusting to our new “life as normal’, but Ellie is
a wonderful addition to our family…and I can honestly say that God has placed
her perfectly into our family. She’s
such a sweet mix of both of our personalities – the good, the bad and yes,
sometimes even the ugly. We both have to
laugh when we see parts of our personality in her. Only God could have planned that so perfectly
and He’s probably laughing too watching us deal with OUR same issues in
her. Now we know how He must have felt
as He was trying to help us ‘see the light.”
But, as God does with us, we are
happy to extend Elliana our love, mercy and grace as many times as she needs
it.
So, if you are wondering where we’ve been or what we’ve been
up to, this little post should give you some idea!
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