Saturday, September 18, 2010

How am I doing?

Not that I think all of you really care about my medical status, but for those of you who ask on a daily basis and to keep me from repeating myself, it was suggested that I post an update here… so here it goes.

I have SVT (supra ventricular tachycardia) which is basically an electrical disconnect in my heart that causes massive fast heart palpitations and concurrent symptoms. (just imagine a run-away freight train in your chest). . . Not typically a good thing when pregnant to have your heart rate in the 200’s. This is not typically a life-threatening condition. Usually it can be controlled by meds. Meds aren’t working for me and as the baby continues to grow, so will the demand on my heart. Surgery is the next option.. which is NOT typically an option when pregnant. My cardiologist is at a conundrum as to what else to do for me. He basically dumped me and referred me to another Cardiologist that treats high-risk pregnant women.

Meanwhile I was referred to a high-risk OB and given a 2 hour Level 2 Ultrasound and genetic counseling (I think it’s kinda late for that). They were concerned with down syndrome for little Faith. So far all looks good. She is measuring a little small, so they changed my due date a bit. I go back in 4 weeks for another ultrasound to see how much she’s grown. My meds and blood pressure can cause baby not to grow as fast as they would like but they think she is doing well thus far and everything is developed as it should be. The high-risk OB was NOT happy, however, with my current cardiac situation and was basically suggesting surgery NOW! Yikes.

Fast-forward to 2nd opinion from high-risk cardiologist… she put me on an anti-arrhythmic drug, along with my beta blockers to see if that will help control my episodes. Bad thing is, the anti-arrhythmic drug will keep me from nursing, once the baby is born AND there are not a lot of studies on this medicine with pregnant women because most beta blockers do the trick on pregnant women. Not for me, apparently. It’s still a Category C drug, but I’m really nervous about it. My only other option is surgery, which is really risky because they would have to sedate me and use radiation…which is not safe for either of us right now. So, I’m under close monitoring on this new medicine, hoping it will control my heart rate.

I am still not allowed to return to work for obvious reasons, but I am blessed to be able to work from home full time (when I’m not running to doctor appointments!). I typically have about 3 doctor appointments a week which is wearing us out, physically and emotionally. Thank God our family and church community is helping provide meals and helping to run the kids to their activities. We are trying to keep thing as normal as possible for the boys. I do not want them to grow up thinking pregnancy is horrible!

I can’t help but wonder what God is up to and what His plan is for us. I know… silly me trying to figure out “the plan.” Life has changed so much in the last 5 months. Lots of detours and re-routes, doors that open and doors that close. Honestly, if we THOUGHT we could have conceived earlier in the game, the same issues that I’m having now are ones that may have held us back from doing so (some medical issues, my age, and ratios of the probability of our child being born with defects). And those very things seem to be what’s happening now. So, what’s the deal? Did God want me to deal with my fear issues and trust Him (ummm. Yep, that’s my guess!). I suppose He’s already proved that medical tests and opinions are not always correct – especially if He has something to say about it. He’s been telling me for months to slow down (see previous posts)… and perhaps I wasn’t as obedient as He wanted me to be… so He slowed me down--- which is really hard! He is continuing to stretch me and mold me but my struggle for control is slowly diminishing. My house isn’t as tidy as it usually is, I’m behind on paperwork, I’m forgetting people’s birthdays, and I’m not attending every single thing that I’m invited to.. but you know what?? It’s ok. The world didn’t end because I forgot to send a birthday card or because I couldn’t attend a shower or one of the boys’ games. I think God has me right where he wants me at this very moment.

One thing that I know for sure is that whatever God’s will is for Baby Faith and for our family… I’m ok with it and it will be ok. No amount of worry and fretting is going to change it, so I’m just waiting to see what our next beautiful step will be! Apparently, God still has some things to show me through this journey, so I’m just hanging on for the ride.

1 comment:

  1. I am sure that was a very difficult post for you to write! Please know that we are all praying for you! I feel so helpless b/c it seems all I can do is pray. Every time I feel overwhelmed with what I go through each day I think of you and it puts it all into perspective...:) Also, since I am the original "gem" in the Baxter family, I cannot wait to be surrounded by all these girls! I'll bring the tutus and you bring the tea sets! Love you!